Me vs Me
Part of the problem of being me is self image. How you percieve yourself sets the tone for how others interact with you. What do you do when you feel at odds with yourself?
This is me
I'm somewhat of a loner. I like my space. I like not being surrounded by people. I like not having to put on a smile for friends and hanging out all the time. I like not answering the phone unless the mood strikes me. I like my home somewhat cluttered. I like not talking to my neighbors. I like my nasty cat.
Then there's that
other me.
I'm funloving and freespirited. I like driving on the interstate with my windows down and the volume up. I like shopping and Sci-Fi. I like house music and hip-hop. I like Comic books and barhopping with friends. I like sex (mmmmmmmmmm...sex!).
There's more to me than meets the eye but I only seem to show one side at a time. Different sides for different people. Sometimes I feel like a chameleon, blending in with my surroundings so as not to draw attention to myself. There seems to be this desire to fly below the radar and then I ask myself "what happened to me?"
So, as I sit here recovering I am listening to the song for the day: Brandy -
Focus
Excerpts from my Diarrhea Diaries (Ode to Harold)
This was not a fun weekend. I kept a bucket by the bed and went thru 4 rolls of TP.
Tuesday comes around and I'm still not feeling well. My doctor recommends I go to the ER.
Fortunately the Mexican was checking in on me. His Maxima is a much smoother ride than the ambulance.
The ER docs do some poking, prodding and scanning - and at 1AM they decide they want to admit me. Mexican decides that's his cue to go home and I spend the night in the ER in a dress.
This is not my idea of a good time.
When I finally get to a room I have missed breakfast. I have an IV stuck in my arm and attached to a contraption. I call it Harold, my new boyfriend. Harold and I go on lots of short walks. He takes me to the nicest places - places where there is paper on the seats and antibacterial hand wash. Harold says the sweetest things to me.
I remember the first thing he said to me: "Click"
I was shocked when Harold said "Beep." I had to ask if he was flirting with me. I warned him I don't sleep with a guy on the first date.
But I did...he held me close and pumped his sweet nectar into my body. He stayed with me all night long. Oh Harold!!
I have visitors: The Mexican and Tiny both come through. A Dot, Starr, Pissy, Fox and Big Red hold me down on the phone.
But when visiting hours are over and the phone is off, Harold is still here holding vigil over me. Sigh. What dedication.
I am being released and given a perscription. Harold has left me. I guess he only likes needy guys. I still ache where he touched me. It feels like he's still with me.
Mariah Carey - We belong together
911...No joke
What did I tell you months ago?
It will get worse before it gets better.It was a beautiful morning. I had a nice uneventful drive. Traffic wasn't too bad since I had to be at work early.
New Edition was telling me to
Cool it Now. I should have known the day was going
too well. I get to work and everything seems fine. The room is a little cold....but whatever, I just keep my jacket on. I'm still cold so I grab a cup of coffee and continue doing my thing.
Now I'm shivering...violently.
My coworkers are a little concerned and they say I'm not looking too well. I sit down. They tell me they think I should go home. Great...except I'm shaking so much I don't feel safe to drive. So, Manager Sista Gurl (
MSG) walks me to a nice secluded corner and decides they are calling an ambulance.
The EMTs arrive and decide to take me to the hospital. The strap me into the gurney and as they are wheeling me out the front door who is coming in? Chatterbox receptionist! Now, not only do I have to worry about what's going on with me, but I'm going to be on FULL BLAST when I return to work. I'm sure the story will have changed to "He was having convulsions and foaming at the mouth!" or "They had to shock him twice before they put him in the ambulance!" Me being the usually private person I am is not looking forward to all that damage control.
No need to go into the details of my 1st ER visit as it was fairly mundane.
Vomit: Check.
Gown: Check.
Inexperienced nurse jabbing at my arm multiple times: Check Check.
2 bags of IV fluid and I am on my way home. MSG got my car keys to my boy Fox. They said I have a 'flu-like virus' so they recommended lots of rest and fluids.
Fox transforms into Nurse Foxy and holds me down all weekend.
When situations like this pop up you really find out who you can depend on.
Headaches, Doctors and tests...oh my!
My doctor has decided I need to get an MRI to check my head out. Nothing like taking a day off work, putting on a dress and laying completely still in an enclosed space for a half hour to make you feel better.
I haven't had a headache in 2 weeks but that is exactly what scares me. Headache on and off for weeks, then....nothing. For all I know I could have a tumor or some shit...like John Travolta in that movie where he develops powers and gets super smart. That would be cool but I'd rather live without headaches.
