Da Red Room

Excerpts from my Diarrhea Diaries (Ode to Harold)

This was not a fun weekend. I kept a bucket by the bed and went thru 4 rolls of TP.

Tuesday comes around and I'm still not feeling well. My doctor recommends I go to the ER.

Fortunately the Mexican was checking in on me. His Maxima is a much smoother ride than the ambulance.

The ER docs do some poking, prodding and scanning - and at 1AM they decide they want to admit me. Mexican decides that's his cue to go home and I spend the night in the ER in a dress.

This is not my idea of a good time.

When I finally get to a room I have missed breakfast. I have an IV stuck in my arm and attached to a contraption. I call it Harold, my new boyfriend. Harold and I go on lots of short walks. He takes me to the nicest places - places where there is paper on the seats and antibacterial hand wash. Harold says the sweetest things to me.

I remember the first thing he said to me: "Click"

I was shocked when Harold said "Beep." I had to ask if he was flirting with me. I warned him I don't sleep with a guy on the first date.

But I did...he held me close and pumped his sweet nectar into my body. He stayed with me all night long. Oh Harold!!

I have visitors: The Mexican and Tiny both come through. A Dot, Starr, Pissy, Fox and Big Red hold me down on the phone.

But when visiting hours are over and the phone is off, Harold is still here holding vigil over me. Sigh. What dedication.

I am being released and given a perscription. Harold has left me. I guess he only likes needy guys. I still ache where he touched me. It feels like he's still with me.

Mariah Carey - We belong together

posted by Red @ 5:27 AM